a new laptop a new beginning...

Yay !! Now I'm blogging from my new notebook. I just bought it a few days ago in Lowyat.It was my whole paycheck when I collected through working for a few months till May. To my surprise my reaction was like " ok... I got a new laptop. ( silence)" Maybe its just a lil hope lifting thingy which encourages me to study harder and eventually have gifts and places waiting for me. Its not just any acer or dell notebook but its a ..... MACBOOK PRO!!!!! I'm still getting used to the os and to tell you guys the truth its wayyyyyyy better than the windows. Its lesser bullshit and everything is so polished and refined. I'm beginning to fall in love with it as I'm using it. I think I'll wont look at windows at the same perspective again once I have a mac. The trackpad is so frikin awesome and it has a touch screen feeling to it but it doesnt smudges up your screen. The whole thing is around 2kg in weight and its super solid and well built. But there is one thing I have left to say "FINALLY"...

...worth my every 4000 bucks

things which gets me fired up...

1) wanna-bees / fake-ers

2) pms-ing teachers who think they're always right and plain kurang ajar/ bitchy

3) idiots who are just being unrealistic.

4) dumbass bosses who has no right of being a frikin boss

5) people who step on my tail..

...pissed till there is not enough of curse words to express how I feel

PS: for you guys who knew what happened during form two.. currently encountering Catalina numba 2...

dream:1

You suddenly appear out of the blue. It was at night and there is somekind of a party going on but there wernt many people there. Not anyone I know but wandering near the singing stage and there was you approaching me. I was stunned. We somehow ended up in my house and were looking at pictures that we were in the moments together. From there I knew that you had never stop thinking bout me. You asked me to cut all of those pictures and paste it in a book. I suggested that we do a video instead. All you did was smile. I smiled too. I grab you by your waist and pulled you up from the floor that we're sitting on. I still could feel it now as I am typing this. While doing this, you look me in the eye and we both stopped time. We both knew something. But didnt say a word. We went outside and you asked me to wait at the garden while you go to your car to take some stuff. (now this part gets funny) You gave me a gigantic bag of marshmallows which looks like a huge pillow. Seriously. I took it from your hand and you disappeared. ~ I hate it when dreams that were so perfect suddenly has its awkward twist to it which makes it really ridiculous. Anyways, I saw you in my dreams and waiting for more to come.

...when perfect comes an awkward moment

Accounting maniac...

Fine!!Accounting is not my cup of tea but I have to somehow find a way to shove it into my reluctant brain just for the sake of my future. In the way I had put it, in order to live the life I have to do accounts. Just for two semesters and then I'm hopefully done with it with the rest of my life. I am in desperate need of good luck and concentration to pull this semester exams with flying colors. To that I am cramming every possible time into studying accounts before its too late. I really want to get into the deans list and from there I could actually go somewhere with this kinda unique degree of mine to places which I had longed for awhile now. London or the US. I hope to migrate there and get a well payed job to sustain my needs. That's all I'm asking for. I'm not greedy. I dont wanna live in Malaysia although it has soooo many delicious foods I like here but the way it has been run-ed and governed is very unfair and morally wrong. I dont wanna live in a one-sided country. I want equality and modernized thinking of people to be my countrymen. I need the future and it is clearly not here. But no matter where I go I will never forget that where I was raised and where I come from. Looking for the greener grass of the other side of the fence for my life of the future. I hope I'm strong enough to do so and leave all of this behind.

...a love hate affair

scared the shit out of me...

I failed my quantitative studies and also almost fail my microeconomics as well as accounts. I felt like a stupid moron and I was seriously waaaaaaayyyyy below my standards. I feel that I had let myself relax too much and the lazy bug had already kicked in. After half a year fooling around, I start to get serious. Finally. No more floating around and the " I-dont-give-a-fuck" attitude. I felt like I'm dumbest person I had ever met. I disappointed myself. I feel disgraced. I'm gonna pull my socks and my sleeves to start to work hard. I had discarded my emo-ness and day dreamy attitude for my realistic future. Phewww...The only thing I was happy was I realized all of this before its too late. Indirectly I was happy I had crappy results to wake me up. Thanks... I need a slap on my face once awhile.

...woke up after sleeping for 2 and a half years.

the fallen star...

I notice that once you're up and coming to a more popular status and a whole new circle of everything you seem to be like the shiny-est star out the re in the dark litted sky. Whenever you appear you splurge of attention. People look to you and turn to you just to get your 2 seconds. The princess of everything. Everyone wanna be close to you and to get themselves notice by you. Not to mention some envious hears lurking as they were the past princesses and princes. They seem to want their light back and start to get a well... BITCHY. Not saying anyone which they think this message is directed to them but just a simple innocent scenario. Every shining star has its brightest days and soon they themselves will realize that there is more to life than just being the rich,glamorous and the beautiful. Its being true to yourself and just stop for a second to be real in despite of all the shiny things and the latest handphones or the most facebook friends. There are more things you could archive out there rather than what you have today. In conclusion to all of this.. Are you willing to give up the glow of glamor for the simplest of realism?

...thats when I noticed what was more important and wished for the better

reasons why i dont cry...

If you guys know me you'll know that it takes alot to make me cry.. Even to shed a tear from me is like leap year. Well I wanna let you guys know why is this so. Since I was a lil girl I was like any other weak and soft, fragile kid. When I start to cry, I was told that tears weren't meant to be shed and to suck it up and just stop it. To learn to swallow my sadness and stop the tears takes time. Even now I still find it hard to do so but manage to do it faster than I was. Since an early age I was told to do so. I know it is sometime feelingness and just plain cool of my expression but this is how I was made into. I dont feel sorry for being so but just a lil bit unheard of. Sometimes I just wanna explode and just let it all out in the shower crying my heart out in silence when the sound of it had been overcome by the countless droplets of water gushing out. I believe doing so by thinking of all of the hurt,pain and just plain bad times helps me to release my inner feelings without the sight of others. My heart is full of misery and happiness. It's locked up so deep inside and no one really knows what it was? To tell you guys the truth I really dont know how to express my feelings of sad and happiness. Thus creating a plain cool expression which I am always putting on my face.

..worries and sorrows beyond my mask