The Final Phase

All of the heartbroken-ness and the tears had finally come to an end for me. I still miss you and wish things could have been better. I want whats best for you. A future but without me being there to enjoy and witness all of the barriers and celebrations with you. To see you smile and lightened up again after a heavy storm is like I'm about to drown and in complete darkness and somehow there is life being implemented into my dead body. If you're wondering I had being broken and somehow I managed to put back all of the pieces not completely but it starts to take shape. Picking the sharp shards of broken glass with wounded hands is what its like. I glad to say I had lived through a heartbreak the first one and followed by a broken crush. I actually feel more stronger and less afraid of what this earth is gonna throw at me. I'm glad the last thing what you have taught me was to break me and to learn myself how to pick up the pieces. I thank you for that. For everything. I found and old folder in the computer and it was some outdated blog posts and msn chat conversations. I reread it and I was clearly a stupid ass for love. Hahahaha.. silly me :).... I had realized all of this when I met somebody in the lrt.. Somebody I dont know but somehow I sense a connection. Though I'll never see you again you had made me realize that its not over. I still have a long way ahead. More stories and thoughts to come...

Thank you anonymous person in the lrt

...after a bad dream comes a good day

something shocking...

I stopped playing sports and not getting back to it at the moment.... I guess I had to retire my bruised and battered body for something lighter for an older me... haigh my back hurts and my right elbow starts to make some funny cracking noise when I raise and lower it. My left wrist is also retarded... somehow it stopped me from putting hard pressure on it cause it hurts.... I wonder how will I survive till I'm 60 in this condition when I'm 18??!!!!

....curiosity of a battered soul

First post of the month of October...

Recently went to melacca for a makan trip because of missing melacca food to much. I haven been back for almost 8 months and damn things had changed.... The eye on malaysia is taken down... Roads had been rerouted. And also the dataran pahlawan shopping square had also expanded. Wow cant believe that I had been away from that long for so many changes to be made. And going there had made me eat 24/7. I ate 25 sticjs of satay chelup,a packet of nasi lemak kukus with additional kangkung, and 4 puttu piring just ONLY for dinner. To top it of I ate 2 plates of mee goreng and 2 fried eggs for breakfast. That made me sick... lolz That had made me not eating for the whole of monday. Today I just had my sem 1 results and to tell you guys the truth I did quite okey-ish. I got 3 A's and 1 B- and a C+. CGPA of 3.375... I cant believe I pass my accounts. Whatever maybe its just luck I guess... Dont know at the moment whether my result sucks anot cause it;s my first exam in college. Hope this sem I do better. At least all of the subjects seems ok but on paper its another story. Hope I do well.

when I was shaking internally I thought of you,

I was really scared and search for the feeling that you're there,

Everything happened that day I'll use it for the stormy days ahead,

knowing that everything will eventually be ok and just put my foot one after another.

...positivity

post report for sem 1 holidays...

Ahhhh... 3 weeks had gone passed now and I actually have an interesting yet kinda exhausting holiday but the least productive one. First things first I didnt work.. Hahahaha not needed to cause I dont need anything in particular for now.... Got my new laptop and installed gta san anderas in it.. got kinda hooked and finally finished the game... Erm... Owh.. Raya food was ok ok.. Not as nice as usual and now its frikin expensive.. Other than that Shah Alam is like a ghost town. Almost car-less and the street where my house is is really dark as many weren't at home. It was really a quiet raya. But surprisingly Pyramid was packed. Weird??!! Lolz... After raya my grandfather went on a trip with his colleagues to Thailand!! So happy for him!! We encouraged him to go as the fare was cheap and were partially paid by his school. He was a changed person when he came back and so wanted to take me and my sis there to see the things he saw. He was so amazed and happy as he didnt regret going at all. I love him very much... And I had to attend my relatives funeral as she gave way to cancer. She was ill for quite sometime now and she was a really kind and caring lady. I was quite close to her as I use to go to her house way back during my Bukit Jelutong days. Rest in peace... I am glad that she not need to suffer anymore but sad cause she is such a great soul. Later right after the funeral... August's Farewell as he going to uk to study.. I'll miss him though. I wonder one day we will slowly being shipped off to somewhere and there will be farewells to come in the future. Dont forget us 'gus'!!... To sum up my holidays, my great grandfather was admitted to the hospital recently. He is kinda i a critical condition because of his old age. He is 96 this year. I visited him yesterday in Uni Hospital and he was breathing heavily as his lungs are filled up with fluids. Its sad to see him like that as he was fighting for ever breath. Hope he pulls through. To end my holidays, I think that I'll be going back to melacca for a day or 2 just to pleasure myself with the local food there... Hah!! Cher.. I am going back after all... Wan tapau for up anot??? But there is just one thing left in my mind.... When will they upload the sem 2 timetable for SBS??? Hmmmm.. hope its soon as I dunno when and what time I had to be in college to attend my first class in the second semester... Had to work hard already... Have been rotting for 3 months without worries... I actually missed the lrt though...

.. see you soon

Hollow Heart...

When all of these bullshit is over I feel empty. Not as lively and whole as before. No spirit. No future. I rather feel something eventhough it hurts rather than feeling this. I am miserably and officially emotionless. I havent felt like this before. When before I met you, I dont remember anything. Nothing. When I first fall for you I remember everything. I remember you. I at least remember something. I although it always felt like a dream but I kept looking for something to remind me that it was real. Believable. Trustable. Soon I will find you. Eventhough whoever you are is halfway across the earth I'll find you. At least tell you how much you mean to me. Till then I'm free. I'm able to fall in love again.

... confessions of my hollow heart

Grrrrrr.....

I'm so fascinated by how chefs make such good food with some ordinary cheap stuff which they find in their kitchen and turn it into some gourmet dishes which people pay big bucks for.. Really inspiring but there are too many of those fishes in the sea..Much too common. No harm cooking as a hobby. So to make food which I always make taste perfect here's the solution :

Study+ Time+Job=$$$

therefore $$=food (good food)

....just a random post for a food lover

Why do I run?

I notice there is something wrong with me. I tend to run away from things when I have them. I admit it's a problem. I know people had enough of me running but they still kept quiet. I know I felt it too. I just cant stand doing so. I wanna make a confession to all of you. The first thing I'll say is I ran away from my friends. Everytime you guys ajak me go out or do something I always have the habit of saying " Cannot why so last minute?!!" " Huh so far?? Dun wan la" " Cannot la something has come up. Have fun anyways" Familiar right. I know. The main reason is because of my parents. Eveytime when I wanna go out they tend to fight. Its always noisy when I wanna go out. Resulting my mood is spoiled the whole day. I'm not afraid to tell you that I have a very serious phobia.. Worse than butterflies... Its the noise and scene of my parents fighting. Many of you dont understand I'm glad many wont. You dont wanna be in that position. So because of that It's the main reason that I cant go out. I cant go anywhere without supervision and to make things worse I cant do anything bout it. I almost came to a brink of depression but not willing to give in. I believe that I dont have it. Out of curiosity I went and "google" the symptoms of depression. The symptoms matched. I wasnt surprised. I kept denying it. And still is. Another thing is the fact when I had to leave early and out of the blue or in the middle of something. I had to if not I cant go out as much anymore. I felt like being caged. Its cause of a phycological thing which sticks to me... I sorry guys... I really am. I dont think you guys will understand but I really want you guys to.

..house arrest