reasons why i dont cry...

If you guys know me you'll know that it takes alot to make me cry.. Even to shed a tear from me is like leap year. Well I wanna let you guys know why is this so. Since I was a lil girl I was like any other weak and soft, fragile kid. When I start to cry, I was told that tears weren't meant to be shed and to suck it up and just stop it. To learn to swallow my sadness and stop the tears takes time. Even now I still find it hard to do so but manage to do it faster than I was. Since an early age I was told to do so. I know it is sometime feelingness and just plain cool of my expression but this is how I was made into. I dont feel sorry for being so but just a lil bit unheard of. Sometimes I just wanna explode and just let it all out in the shower crying my heart out in silence when the sound of it had been overcome by the countless droplets of water gushing out. I believe doing so by thinking of all of the hurt,pain and just plain bad times helps me to release my inner feelings without the sight of others. My heart is full of misery and happiness. It's locked up so deep inside and no one really knows what it was? To tell you guys the truth I really dont know how to express my feelings of sad and happiness. Thus creating a plain cool expression which I am always putting on my face.

..worries and sorrows beyond my mask