post report for sem 1 holidays...

Ahhhh... 3 weeks had gone passed now and I actually have an interesting yet kinda exhausting holiday but the least productive one. First things first I didnt work.. Hahahaha not needed to cause I dont need anything in particular for now.... Got my new laptop and installed gta san anderas in it.. got kinda hooked and finally finished the game... Erm... Owh.. Raya food was ok ok.. Not as nice as usual and now its frikin expensive.. Other than that Shah Alam is like a ghost town. Almost car-less and the street where my house is is really dark as many weren't at home. It was really a quiet raya. But surprisingly Pyramid was packed. Weird??!! Lolz... After raya my grandfather went on a trip with his colleagues to Thailand!! So happy for him!! We encouraged him to go as the fare was cheap and were partially paid by his school. He was a changed person when he came back and so wanted to take me and my sis there to see the things he saw. He was so amazed and happy as he didnt regret going at all. I love him very much... And I had to attend my relatives funeral as she gave way to cancer. She was ill for quite sometime now and she was a really kind and caring lady. I was quite close to her as I use to go to her house way back during my Bukit Jelutong days. Rest in peace... I am glad that she not need to suffer anymore but sad cause she is such a great soul. Later right after the funeral... August's Farewell as he going to uk to study.. I'll miss him though. I wonder one day we will slowly being shipped off to somewhere and there will be farewells to come in the future. Dont forget us 'gus'!!... To sum up my holidays, my great grandfather was admitted to the hospital recently. He is kinda i a critical condition because of his old age. He is 96 this year. I visited him yesterday in Uni Hospital and he was breathing heavily as his lungs are filled up with fluids. Its sad to see him like that as he was fighting for ever breath. Hope he pulls through. To end my holidays, I think that I'll be going back to melacca for a day or 2 just to pleasure myself with the local food there... Hah!! Cher.. I am going back after all... Wan tapau for up anot??? But there is just one thing left in my mind.... When will they upload the sem 2 timetable for SBS??? Hmmmm.. hope its soon as I dunno when and what time I had to be in college to attend my first class in the second semester... Had to work hard already... Have been rotting for 3 months without worries... I actually missed the lrt though...

.. see you soon

Hollow Heart...

When all of these bullshit is over I feel empty. Not as lively and whole as before. No spirit. No future. I rather feel something eventhough it hurts rather than feeling this. I am miserably and officially emotionless. I havent felt like this before. When before I met you, I dont remember anything. Nothing. When I first fall for you I remember everything. I remember you. I at least remember something. I although it always felt like a dream but I kept looking for something to remind me that it was real. Believable. Trustable. Soon I will find you. Eventhough whoever you are is halfway across the earth I'll find you. At least tell you how much you mean to me. Till then I'm free. I'm able to fall in love again.

... confessions of my hollow heart

Grrrrrr.....

I'm so fascinated by how chefs make such good food with some ordinary cheap stuff which they find in their kitchen and turn it into some gourmet dishes which people pay big bucks for.. Really inspiring but there are too many of those fishes in the sea..Much too common. No harm cooking as a hobby. So to make food which I always make taste perfect here's the solution :

Study+ Time+Job=$$$

therefore $$=food (good food)

....just a random post for a food lover

Why do I run?

I notice there is something wrong with me. I tend to run away from things when I have them. I admit it's a problem. I know people had enough of me running but they still kept quiet. I know I felt it too. I just cant stand doing so. I wanna make a confession to all of you. The first thing I'll say is I ran away from my friends. Everytime you guys ajak me go out or do something I always have the habit of saying " Cannot why so last minute?!!" " Huh so far?? Dun wan la" " Cannot la something has come up. Have fun anyways" Familiar right. I know. The main reason is because of my parents. Eveytime when I wanna go out they tend to fight. Its always noisy when I wanna go out. Resulting my mood is spoiled the whole day. I'm not afraid to tell you that I have a very serious phobia.. Worse than butterflies... Its the noise and scene of my parents fighting. Many of you dont understand I'm glad many wont. You dont wanna be in that position. So because of that It's the main reason that I cant go out. I cant go anywhere without supervision and to make things worse I cant do anything bout it. I almost came to a brink of depression but not willing to give in. I believe that I dont have it. Out of curiosity I went and "google" the symptoms of depression. The symptoms matched. I wasnt surprised. I kept denying it. And still is. Another thing is the fact when I had to leave early and out of the blue or in the middle of something. I had to if not I cant go out as much anymore. I felt like being caged. Its cause of a phycological thing which sticks to me... I sorry guys... I really am. I dont think you guys will understand but I really want you guys to.

..house arrest

yay!! for now...

Finally I finished my sem 1 exams... So relieved and the best thing is I dont have to even bother doing time series ( chap in QS, quantitative studies). I'm still glad eventhough I dont have any idea how to do 3 probability questions. I lost 9 marks but wth. I wanna do something while having my 3 weeks of holiday now. I wanna make cookies and lagsania and other stuff which required an overn. I bought a new OVEN!!! Finally, and I could do more kinds of food with it. Other than that, I'm gonna drive the new car that we traded the kenari for. And I'm so excited cause its my dream... brand. Not the car I dreamt of but close enough. Although its around 11 years old but it still works like magic. Cant wait... HEHEHEHEHE!!! I wanna watch moonlight renassaince (ka hou yuet yuen : in canton )again. Still so addicted to it eventhough I had watch it already sometime back. So happy finally a break since I had to get up at 6am just to study the stupid quantitative studies till around 11am. After that, I studied summore in the lrt. If I fail, I dont know what to say. Maybe just give up and do something else. Something which makes me happier than business. Having second thoughts sometimes about the course which I have choosen but I had already gone quite deep in it already. I cant picture myself somewhere with some other friends doing some different course. I have great friends here. I'm lucky. hahahah

Just wanna tell ya'll that have fun bbq-ing!!! and dont drink and drive and dont stay up so late partying without me :)!!!! lolz....

...happy ever after ( for now.... )

The Answer I would die for...

I could break down easily.. Shattered within a second. I could wake up the next day with a smile on my face. I could be the best that I could ever be. Makes everything effortless. Even pain couldnt stop me from doing anything. I was strong and unstoppable. Regardless of anything or anyone who would turn their back on me. Fearless. All of which I am when I'm with you. Perhaps it's love. Or is it just an illusion of what I felt. Now after a few years now I still cant get you off my mind. It's coming back. I may seem disloyal but deep inside I had already given my heart to you. Given everything. It may look like I'm with another but I am darn sure that I could never feel what I felt when I'm around you. Or as simple as talking to you. Severely kept inside my heart for a long time so deep till you cant even see it. I' m sorry. I was wrong. You got hurt. I got a giant scar and swollen eyes from the rain that it had cause me. I believe that its true. It was always there. You just had to keep it inside, deep inside where you dont need to take it out or show it to anyone even yourself. I could bet my life it was there. After all of this I still have hope. I still have strength. I still have the feeling. and the most of all I'm still waiting. I hope that I could find the key that I had lost. I hope I find it soon. I'll find you, somebody, I will take myself half way across the world, hoping to find you. Till then please wait. I know we'll grow old. Will meet many wonderful people and will fall in love. I'm not searching for the love but an answer that I had to know. Wish you well. And be strong for yourself as things in life may hurt you. I cant be there. I cant be seen. But I know I can be felt.

...the interdict answer