the security of thinking of you...

Whenever I'm in my room trying to fall asleep. I think of you which always make me sleep better and the world slowly quiets down so that I can sleep. Always look in the sky just wondered if what my heart says is heard by anyone. Too bad I still have no reply which has stopped long time ago. Emo-ing as people say but I don't really care. Its best to just float away sometimes not to care about anything which matters. That's what I did then. I have made a sacred promise in my heart which will forever live on within me. I feel much better now. Have thought of lots of things through. Still wishing that it ends differently that what was already done.

...sleeping with a smile ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!

haircut....

I just got my haircut so.... I think its kinda weird. Happy though. Wanna do it for quite some time now.Anyways I have a new fringe and its kinda messy now. Trying to get use to it now... And I bet sooner or later someone is gonna ask me to clip it up. Well... All I'm gonna give them is a smile and a shrug of my shoulders. Its form 5 c'mmon I gotta do something bad before I leave.

....new me new style.

just when you think its over...is it really so?

You always keep me hanging by a thread and made me so worried about us. Seriously its not fun at all but worth it. Wondered if someone hangs you on one a thin piece of thread when you're about to fall to a bottomless pit. Have you felt this way? For people who are hanging there its very scary and you kept praying that something will happen to save your life. Eventually the thing which you least expected appears when you really want it and makes your day. Its really a sigh of relive to know that there is some way things could have actually change to what you've dream of. A breath of fresh air after slowly dying from suffocating into the dark. Your brain shuts down bit by but until there is nothing left and no purpose to continue anymore. That was the feeling that I had these past weeks and months. Now alive finally I will soldier on to a new day when everything I know and hope for will be there just waiting for me to catch with my bare hands to fulfill a better tomorrow.

...hanging by a moment

broken puzzle but somehow fixed...

Unsure about everything, I finally solved a puzzle which I totally though will take forever. Its something like solving this :

Now that I've fixed it. I'm still unsure will it stay that way or will be broken again by the lightest if touch.

...free-er (i guess)

goal-less

Dont know the reason for me to live on and take things seriously...

Help....

...like this since Dec 2007 till now

unloveable...

Some people are just so lucky to find someone who cares about them and feel the same way as they are. They are just so happy together but me... hahaha I have a habit to push people away whenever they are close. I just don't know why am I doing this. I just wanna isolate myself sometimes and have my own time but people tend to misunderstand. I'm sorry . Maybe its my problem because I cant let anyone in since my heart was ripped out and went missing. Blame me all you want. I know I have so much work to do mending my attitude and the awkwardness of pushing people away when they come too close. Hahaha like one of my friend said few years ago. LONER. Yea I think she's right. Sometimes I do feel left out and sometimes I just need time alone in my own little world. There are times I think if I continue like this I'm gonna die alone and no one will ever miss me. The only person who I let in has left me with hopes and pain. I still remember you promised me something but after waiting for two years... nothing. Its ok. I just hope that I have apart of your memories. Eventhough if its just a lil one. I'll be happy. You deserve someone better and I'm glad you do. Since I cant know about you anymore now, I still tried to find ways knowing so. I tried but those never last. I was happier before. Now when I get something I'm not happy and that explains the emotionless me. Just wanna know how are you doing now. Haven't heard from you for awhile now. Missed you anyways and I still do.

..better off alone

re-TIRED prefect missing in action...

Ok today was really hectic and I was running around like crazy during the last 2 hours of school. Doing "stuff". I admit. I didn't update my blog recently is because of my mum restricting me from using the computer over the weekdays only. Thank god its not forever till Spm. As my computer crisis had gone I spent my time doing papers from the TEEP programme. My whole desk is full of papers now so as my file. It is so frikin heavy. And I really miss blogging. Oh yea... Finally retiring as a prefect. Wow so fast 3 years had past and I am really happy getting the experience of being one. Gonna miss those times too I guess.

... retired but still stressing