leaving on a jet plane...

I remembered that day when I thought that you're leaving. I broke down. I got paranoid,crazy infact. I though I was going to lose you. I didnt sleep for a week since that day. Picturing what will it be when there is no chance of bumping into you or to see you again. That swept my smile away. Thank god I had a quite long holiday. But that wasnt enough for me to get over you. When you're gone, not in my sight, thats what I thought but you kept coming back. I was over you then you came. I fell for you again. Till a certain point where you were fed up. I was broken even more. Beyond repair. In despair. That fucked up my life a lil and there goes my scholarship of being a pilot. Now in college away from school and you, I had quite a recovery. Thought I was totally over you. Until, the fact of you going away for real. To someplace beyond my reach across the ocean and through the continent far and wide. Where we are not under the same moon or sun. Its like the distance of a thousand stars. My heart really broke today. I was struggling to hold my tears the whole day and wearing the always protective mask which I have. Though all smiles I was blinded in my own tears. Trying to keep the sadness in my empty soul. All I can feel now is the pressure of erupting. There are times where you can make me go insane and there are times I'm fully human. I keep having dreams which seem so real to be true about you till the line between fantasy and reality blurs. I'm trapped. I cant see the line anymore. I'm blinded. I had to keep myself busy. Had alot of coursework to do. Hope its enough to keep my thoughts busy. To think of it I had to let you go. I knew it all along but I keep lying to myself that the date would never come. All of this seems useless when your truth slaps me in the face. I want you to move on. See the world and experience new things. But all of your future and happiness comes a price. My pain and my sanity. I am willing to give that to you. Whatever you want. Errrhemmm... I'm choking on my tears. Tears tears tears everywhere. Its peeling from the corer of my eyes now. I better stop. I need a moment. Go... just go.

...the last heartbreak