The airport..

I wanted to be a pilot.. The reasons why is that so is that I could bring people together no matter how far they're apart. I could go and explore this beautiful world because I dont know when will I die. I'm actually not afraid of death. So dying in a flash of your eye does not bother what my job requires. Though people may fear for me but most important I'm not afraid for myself. The happy part is to bring people together but the sad part is now when you're gone I realize that being a pilot also brings people away from friends and family. Sending someone who will be dearly missed by their loved ones away. I believe that not every decision is a good decision. Eventually something bad will happen. Well, that's just a part of life. I dont know where are you now. Still here or long gone but I just wanna tell you something if you're reading this. I felt something yesterday. Something made me breakdown dreadfully and I burst into tears. Just like that. Crying like I never did for a very long time. Too long to remember in fact. I hate when I am so confident in something and choked in the last minute. Now I know where am I in your heart. No where. Not anymore. I guess I'm the last to let go. I have to get over it. I wanted to see you before you go but.... All I get is no reply from you. Call it cold but I thank you for doing so. I actually didnt wanna say goodbye to you or let you know that I knew you're leaving. What the heck one after another temptation has taken my soul and I went out and reached for you. No reply... I knew you were leaving a looooong time ago. Way back when you applied for various Uni's in the overseas. I prepared myself already. I swear I wont break down. No matter how I withstand it, I couldnt. Now I know why I didnt become a pilot. a good enough reason why so. It's because no matter how many planes I'll fly or how many people that I have brought together from parts of the world, I would never bring back you. Bring back all the lies. Bring back all of the sadness. The most of all bring back time. Now as a economic student, I will learn to predict the future so that people in my future would not be hurt and lied to by me ever again. I would learn to appreciate them. Be stable. Attainable. Instead of being everywhere and live an ongoing life for the rest of my life. I wanna be settled. I dont wanna fly to another and leave them there and fly to another.

Dear B,

Hope you find this. I'm sorry for all of thing and hurt that I had caused you. I'm sorry for everything that made your life miserable. I'm sorry for you not fulfilling your dream. I'm sorry I ran back and forth. Finally I realized that I'm guilty. I am not asking for an apology. I dont wanna start over. The damage is too deep to be stitched back and heal. Eventhough it has healed it would leave a horrible scar. My prayers were answered. Bringing you away. That's what I prayed. Now even better. Further as it seems. No matter what happens, I will always remember you. The good and the ugly. But there is a last wish I hope that you forget bout me. I'm confident that we will not cross paths again. I want you to live a happy life. Away from me and all of the dreadful things in life. Find somebody who treats you right. Anyone but me. Take care of yourself when youre gone. I guess this is the end. Goodbye B.

... last tears from a quiet lion