happy..not so... when something is lost

The messages that A had to hold on to throughout the days which makes A feel better is gone. Important dates on A's calender of have A's fondest memories of time is also gone forever. A's is not happy but sad. Something new is not always better but what A had in A's hands before was better than all the money in the world. It's not just something that you get everyday but something that had been there for quite sometime. How is A gonna get through life without them? A wonder. Things which A needs the most is not there. Perhaps it indicates a beginning of A's life. A new chapter. A new page. Now without C in the picture A has not been broken. Not how A was when with B. A is stronger now but as stronger A get's the more numb A feels when A finds another. A had lost A's first love and A cant do anything about it. B was gone for the better. But the fact when B comes and goes makes it even harder. C is gone too but A has learnt to build fences at A's heart so that A wont get hurt again. A grew scared and protective..... not stronger as it may seem. For all the support B and C gave once in the palms of A. But now its gone forever and A doesn't know how long will it take to have another. May seem never. A wonders "If to start something new one must delete the past and not be attach to it?" A is clueless. Nevermore lifeless as A starts to find some other. "First love is always remembered as it changes you forever" says A. What if A cant love like A use to? What if A cant love again? How long will A be lost and needed to be found?? No one could help A and no one could do anything about it. Sad to see but life goes on as it hurts ever step forward and lose identities of the past. Wherever A goes A will be carrying a scar of B as long as A's heart is still pumping and breathing. No one knows who is the real A.

..what's lost cant be found