all i need is the drive...

Now currently studying microecons I am trying to fight the fact that my bed is calling out for me. I am doing my best to not hear its call. he only thing which stands in its way is the fact that something I have made me realize and be more aware of what am I suppose to do, what is more important and the most important of all the willingness to do something. A drive which I had lost years ago which made me do things I could only imagine. I felt like I was possessed in a good way weirdly and just stop being the usual slacker me which things just slide to me effortlessly. I felt such a cheat when I have control over my imagination and the mentality of my brain. It is when sometimes you just dont control or think what you're doing and just appear in the moment when you open your eyes. Its something that I had not used in a long time and I'm trying to work it out again. I hope that this thing I'm gonna do doesnt have any side-effects and misunderstanding towards others. As it did happened before, I dearly sorry as I was acting with my brain instead f my heart. Anyways, I did have an interesting day and the night had just started. Hope my brain doesnt fries up when I need it so dearly tomorrow.

...mind control freak

really... levia really??!!

I dont know what else to say here but I just felt like updating my blog. I do have a question lurking and lingering around my mind and here it is " Has your dreams somehow had crossed your reality?" For me I dream all the time. That is why I like to sleep and just shut down. I dream of everything I want and actually dream of many happy endings with people who are so special and important to me but I'm not in a chance to be with them. Call me a lunatic but I am starting to lose it. I dont bother whatever is gonna happen in reality as long as I can sleep and dream. I have been questioned by my parents why do I sleep so much till they convince me to see a doctor or something. I guess this is slowing eating my sanity away. I totally freaked out and I'm too blurred. Stuff and places which I have dreamt had actualy came to reality and it freaks me out. Suddently I came across something that was so familiar and I havent been into that place before. Not only places but also people. I wonder if my dreams are actually potential future stuff. Ok now I'm being stupid and farfetched. Its ok to think about weird connections to stuff which actually do happen once awhile.

...symptom : to much 'inception'

the question where many pause when asked...

The magic question.. " Is it worth the feeling of love when you eventually know its gonna hurt?" I was inspired by this question when it hit me as I was reading a blog of my friends. Some may think twice upon answering some might ignore it but a handful others will say yes. I have been amazed how love can transform someone and make people do things they only could dream of. Believe me I had been a believer since it happened. Though it was a long time ago, this thing called love I had not a clue what it was. How it happened and why does people are willing to do amazing and sometimes stupid things caused by it. My amazement about love had left me question the unanswered. To come to think of it, love changes the world and many happenings which had happened had a link to love. Some people fight for it, some die for i and some might even live by it. I know the feeling of it and the feeling of hurt. It not only had give people faith but also the many unsung others scars which they die together with. So if I ever was asked this question this is how I'll reply. " Love doesnt come and go as often. Some had waited forever but it hasnt reached to them. There cant be many who can take hold of my heart and the simple word of I love you could make you tear and weaken your foolish heart. For all of the love I had felt and lost. I think for each second of the presence of love around you in your whole heart. I know it is worth every second of my life that I'm lucky enough to feel it for just once."

Now I know why...

...the most beautiful thing of all mankind

when all you have is a hint of hope left...

After all along, I know that "this" wont happen again. Even if I wanted it so badly, I know deep inside I'm too late to reach out for it. As I dwell along this life I have following the wind wherever it takes me, I hope that somehow I'll end up living life comfortably. I'm just gonna do what I had to do and get myself to where I wanna be. Another 4 more years hanging on here. I'm not gonna lie that it's an easy ride with the memories of you keep dropping by my lonesome mind makes it even harder to concentrate and to see clearly. Certain days when I have great days and certain days having a wrekking week. I could go insane if this keeps going on. I'm clueless. Most of the time I feel so tired by doing nothing. I'm gonna use that lil hope that I have left to put myself out of misery. I'm depressed but trying not to show any of it. To tell the truth I hate answering questions when it is thrown for me to answer. I'm tired. Whenever there is you I hope I'l meet you half way around the world or anywhere else. I want this again. Please hear me out.

..if you ever had the time to listen

crazieee surveys!!! numba 2

Finish The Sentence

Finish The Sentence I love... pure fruit smoothies...

Right now I want... heavy caramalized buttered popcorn

I feel like... shit..

I hate it when... i have to do stuff over and over again for no stupid reason..

I fear... butterflies..

I'm lonely without... my computer/phone/music/astro/dvd\'s

I need... more time....

Today I... didnt do anything...

Tomorrow I'm... gonna study.. I hope...

I just... ate an apple..

I want to meet... Megan Fox...

I'm hungry for... a double GBC burger...

I love it when... it rains

I'm afraid of... commitment and the lost of freedom

I'm listening to... busted

I'm wearing... a hat,shirt,ladies boxers..

I wish I was in... USA!! or venice or rome...

I want to get... everything i want

I can't... forget bout something...

I'm nervous to... call you...(you know who you are)

My Mom thinks I'm... a splitting image of her

My Dad thinks I'm... his so called "son"

I'm happy when... everything with you and me worked out

I'm sad when... shit happens...

I'm disappointed that... I would not succeed

I wish I looked like... myself..

...a lil bit of "me"

a new laptop a new beginning...

Yay !! Now I'm blogging from my new notebook. I just bought it a few days ago in Lowyat.It was my whole paycheck when I collected through working for a few months till May. To my surprise my reaction was like " ok... I got a new laptop. ( silence)" Maybe its just a lil hope lifting thingy which encourages me to study harder and eventually have gifts and places waiting for me. Its not just any acer or dell notebook but its a ..... MACBOOK PRO!!!!! I'm still getting used to the os and to tell you guys the truth its wayyyyyyy better than the windows. Its lesser bullshit and everything is so polished and refined. I'm beginning to fall in love with it as I'm using it. I think I'll wont look at windows at the same perspective again once I have a mac. The trackpad is so frikin awesome and it has a touch screen feeling to it but it doesnt smudges up your screen. The whole thing is around 2kg in weight and its super solid and well built. But there is one thing I have left to say "FINALLY"...

...worth my every 4000 bucks

things which gets me fired up...

1) wanna-bees / fake-ers

2) pms-ing teachers who think they're always right and plain kurang ajar/ bitchy

3) idiots who are just being unrealistic.

4) dumbass bosses who has no right of being a frikin boss

5) people who step on my tail..

...pissed till there is not enough of curse words to express how I feel

PS: for you guys who knew what happened during form two.. currently encountering Catalina numba 2...

dream:1

You suddenly appear out of the blue. It was at night and there is somekind of a party going on but there wernt many people there. Not anyone I know but wandering near the singing stage and there was you approaching me. I was stunned. We somehow ended up in my house and were looking at pictures that we were in the moments together. From there I knew that you had never stop thinking bout me. You asked me to cut all of those pictures and paste it in a book. I suggested that we do a video instead. All you did was smile. I smiled too. I grab you by your waist and pulled you up from the floor that we're sitting on. I still could feel it now as I am typing this. While doing this, you look me in the eye and we both stopped time. We both knew something. But didnt say a word. We went outside and you asked me to wait at the garden while you go to your car to take some stuff. (now this part gets funny) You gave me a gigantic bag of marshmallows which looks like a huge pillow. Seriously. I took it from your hand and you disappeared. ~ I hate it when dreams that were so perfect suddenly has its awkward twist to it which makes it really ridiculous. Anyways, I saw you in my dreams and waiting for more to come.

...when perfect comes an awkward moment

Accounting maniac...

Fine!!Accounting is not my cup of tea but I have to somehow find a way to shove it into my reluctant brain just for the sake of my future. In the way I had put it, in order to live the life I have to do accounts. Just for two semesters and then I'm hopefully done with it with the rest of my life. I am in desperate need of good luck and concentration to pull this semester exams with flying colors. To that I am cramming every possible time into studying accounts before its too late. I really want to get into the deans list and from there I could actually go somewhere with this kinda unique degree of mine to places which I had longed for awhile now. London or the US. I hope to migrate there and get a well payed job to sustain my needs. That's all I'm asking for. I'm not greedy. I dont wanna live in Malaysia although it has soooo many delicious foods I like here but the way it has been run-ed and governed is very unfair and morally wrong. I dont wanna live in a one-sided country. I want equality and modernized thinking of people to be my countrymen. I need the future and it is clearly not here. But no matter where I go I will never forget that where I was raised and where I come from. Looking for the greener grass of the other side of the fence for my life of the future. I hope I'm strong enough to do so and leave all of this behind.

...a love hate affair

scared the shit out of me...

I failed my quantitative studies and also almost fail my microeconomics as well as accounts. I felt like a stupid moron and I was seriously waaaaaaayyyyy below my standards. I feel that I had let myself relax too much and the lazy bug had already kicked in. After half a year fooling around, I start to get serious. Finally. No more floating around and the " I-dont-give-a-fuck" attitude. I felt like I'm dumbest person I had ever met. I disappointed myself. I feel disgraced. I'm gonna pull my socks and my sleeves to start to work hard. I had discarded my emo-ness and day dreamy attitude for my realistic future. Phewww...The only thing I was happy was I realized all of this before its too late. Indirectly I was happy I had crappy results to wake me up. Thanks... I need a slap on my face once awhile.

...woke up after sleeping for 2 and a half years.

the fallen star...

I notice that once you're up and coming to a more popular status and a whole new circle of everything you seem to be like the shiny-est star out the re in the dark litted sky. Whenever you appear you splurge of attention. People look to you and turn to you just to get your 2 seconds. The princess of everything. Everyone wanna be close to you and to get themselves notice by you. Not to mention some envious hears lurking as they were the past princesses and princes. They seem to want their light back and start to get a well... BITCHY. Not saying anyone which they think this message is directed to them but just a simple innocent scenario. Every shining star has its brightest days and soon they themselves will realize that there is more to life than just being the rich,glamorous and the beautiful. Its being true to yourself and just stop for a second to be real in despite of all the shiny things and the latest handphones or the most facebook friends. There are more things you could archive out there rather than what you have today. In conclusion to all of this.. Are you willing to give up the glow of glamor for the simplest of realism?

...thats when I noticed what was more important and wished for the better